I was thinking about something I wrote in my last post...
"It feels like for the first time in my life I know what I want out of this life - what I want to do, to make, to leave behind. "
It kind of makes me shudder. How can I know? Who am I to know? Who do I think I am, to know? I'm knocking on wood since posting that. Let's just clarify. I think I'm onto the path to something that might be something that would be a good use of my time on this planet.
Am I safe now? Oh man - this is what it's like to be married to a superstitious man of Irish, Catholic descent for twenty years.
All I meant was this:
Since I have taken deliberate strides to stop myself from looking outward (checking Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest at least 2-3 times an hour during the day), I have had many more inward-looking, inspirational moments. Big ideas. Inspirational trains of thought. More daydreaming and actually allowing myself to follow along with that daydream for a day or two. Then it occurred to me that the last time I had ideas like this was when I started doodling as a new mom at home with a newborn. I happen to fall into quite possibly the last group of new moms to experience nursing in the middle of the night, in a room alone away from the party... ALONE, without a smartphone. (I didn't even have dry shampoo while recovering from a c-section.) That's right. No Facebook, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no email, no Kindle, no shopping on Amazon, no ordering grocery pickup... no. So I would spend that time dreaming. And then little babies began to walk and to break things and then the online world as we know it was born and I forgot about the daydreams.
But they came back.
With that in mind, I'm just gonna drop this post and then jump back in on this train of thought later:
3-12 | THUR
What a difference a day makes - this time not for good. Since this time yesterday, travel has been banned to/from Europe, the NBA has suspended the season after a player tested positive, Tom Hanks (!) announced that he and Rita are in Australia and have tested positive for Coronavirus... what else?
Still no cases close to home (knock on wood) - but, tests still haven't been made available, so we actually don't know. I don't know if we will even be allowed to board a plane in eighteen days. Flights over the Atlantic have been suspended, so shy wouldn't they be suspended over the Pacific? But, maybe social distancing is what we need to be doing. Or, maybe all this will clear up in two weeks. I hate this unsettling feeling.
I kind of wish the school district would close the schools for the next two weeks until spring break. Take all coursework online. Let families wait this thing out. Although, that would be detrimental to working parents.
I keep having to remind myself - we have no cases in Vista. Breath.
I'm so tired this morning. Not a restful sleep. Frustrating dreams that I can't remember. I was ready to wake up, drink some green tea, and calm down. I can't let myself get caught up in a panic until there is a real threat right here, close to home. Yesterday I went out and stocked up on food and lumber. If we are quarantined, we will have plenty to eat and I'll have plenty of wood to make things.
It will be interesting to see what today brings.